If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
