PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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