some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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