i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
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