as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
