the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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