i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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