i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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