she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I came so hard my ears popped.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
