no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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