I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
