Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
