I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
