Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
