I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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