i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
