there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
COCAINE IS GR8
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
