I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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