is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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