I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
