FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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