it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Randomize
