Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
