dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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