Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
