its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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