Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
