I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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