I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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