the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
