worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
