She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
