question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
