he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
