Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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