the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
