Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
