So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
