WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
