i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
