She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
