# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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