How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
