I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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