One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
