Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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