something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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