He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
