i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
