jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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