if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
