What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
