So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
