His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
